I live in North Carolina, otherwise known as the tobacco, possum, and humidity capital of the South. So far this year, we’ve had a mild winter, and an excellent spring. So imagine my groan when I saw this forecast:
Yeah. Today? Heat index is supposed to be 115.
To quote Troy from Swamp people, MUDDA-FRICKA.
So here are my top suggestions for beating the ridonkulous heat.
1. Strip. It’s too damn hot for clothes.
2. Collapse over the air conditioner. Punch anyone that tries to stop you. Self-preservation at its finest.
3. I’d say run through a lawn sprinkler, but any H20 that hits the air will be immediately vaporized into soul-sucking humidity.
4. Pack yourself in ice. Literally. A bathtub full. Or actually, ice cream would be even better. Have a straw handy.
5. Avoid reading DEAR ADDI or SINFUL TRUTH. Getting that hot on your insides while being that hot on the outside? Spontaneous combustion. Then again, it wouldn’t be a bad way to go. 
How are you going to beat this heat?????
Why even bother to wear clothes. Nudity should be legal.